I work as a hostess at a restaurant, and the televisions inside that restaurant, including the one mounted on the wall opposite the podium where I spend most of my time, are eternally tuned to ESPN. I don’t care at all about sports, and the TV in the lobby is always muted, so I don’t pay too much attention to the programming. But there is a fair amount of downtime in between meal rushes where I find myself watching whatever’s playing on the TV. As such, I am privy to something I’m not normally aware of: commercials aimed exclusively at heterosexual men.
Since I don’t watch a lot of live television in the first place (the only shows I currently watch as they air are Jeopardy!, So You Think You Can Dance, and Mr. Robot) and as I said before, sports don’t interest me, these ads are mostly new to me. They’re interesting from a feminist point of view – it’s fascinating to see what marketing firms and advertising mavens think attracts men to buy their products. I find ads for men’s products are mostly similar to ads for women’s stuff; flashy images of attractive white people using things and achieving success as a result of those things. But instead of beautiful women putting on makeup or taking diet pills in order to appear more feminine, it’s handsome men taking Viagra or working out while wearing a particular brand of shoe to boost their manliness.
But by far the strangest manifestation of the masculinity-versus-grooming dichotomy that seems to plague the modern man is the existence of Sport Clips.
For the uninitiated, Sport Clips is essentially a salon for men. They offer haircuts and shaves, along with the amenities that accompany those activities, like shampooing and hot-towel facial treatments.
However, a manly man does not simply “get his hair done”. That’s much too girly. Any kind of self-care is inherently feminine and needs to be made more masculine to be an acceptable practice for the heterosexual male. I mean, what self-respecting MAN gets his hair cut? At a place? By a stylist??? Pah! A real man should be in the woods, hacking off the ends of his beard with the same bloody machete he used to kill a wild bear!
Of course, living in the mountains amongst the animals isn’t an option for the modern city-slicking businessman. He needs somewhere he can get his beard trimmed and edges laid, but still cannot get caught walking into a SALON where WOMEN get their hair BLOW-DRIED. Blow-dried? That’s much too phallic of a beauty treatment! Men don’t blow anything! There must be some elements of traditional masculinity present in every aspect of a man’s life in order to avoid getting labelled as anything less than the perfect example of a straight, masculine guy.
This is the genius of Sport Clips. They took something girly, getting one’s hair cut, and added SPORTS! The stylists wear referee jerseys because they’re HAIRCUT REFS! The building is painted to look like a sports bar because relaxing environments are for GIRLS! Come get your head shaved with SPORTS! No one will judge you for getting a facial if you’re also WATCHING THE GAME!! Come to Sport Clips and get your hair cut the MANLY way! By a hot girl dressed like a football coach! SPOOOOORT CLIIIIPS!!!!!!
Masculinity is truly so fragile.
d i s c o m b o b u l a t o r i u m 